Tell Me Something Good!: The Divorce epidemic

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Divorce epidemic

According to data from 2008 statistics, The Center of Disease Control reported the following:

There are 7.1 marriages for every 1000 total population
There are 3.5 divorces for every 1000 total population (44 states and DC reporting)

Roughly, that's about 1 out of every 2 marriages ending in divorce.
Essentially, if you are married and your best friend is married, odds are one of your marriages isn't going to make it.

Weddings are a MAJOR money making business from TV shows to $1000 wedding cakes. Everybody and their momma has a dating reality show. But marriage? How much is really invested into creating "forever" unions? Is it supposed to last forever?? What are your thoughts on what is causing the divorce epidemic?

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Katie Gates · 765 weeks ago

This is a loaded topic! When I got married (back in '87), my man and I were on equal footing, but as the years unfolded and I moved forward, he didn't. Seven years later, I was "ahead" of him (mostly in terms of meeting adult responsibilities) and feeling like a single mother (of him). So... we went our separate ways (a difficult decision because I really loved him and cared about his well-being). I think marriage is a total crapshoot. A leap of faith. Individuals should grow as much as possible all the time, and it's difficult to know if you and that other person are going to grow in complementary ways. I have great admiration for the marriages that last. I realize that in addition to plain old luck, it takes a lot of work. On a much lighter note, I heard a comic a few weeks ago reference the 50% of marriages end in divorce statistic. To which he added, "So, you gotta figure, it's either gonna be you or your wife."

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1 reply · active 765 weeks ago

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Tameika · 765 weeks ago

I sorta disagree that marriage is a crap shoot. It's tough for sure, but It is what you make it. Now excuse my young years (late 20s) and relatively young marriage (3 years in September), but I think the biggest problems is people rush into marriage with little preparation and boatload of expectations. Now we've only been married for 3 years, but I've know my husband for almost 15 and dated him 6 years before he popped the question. That was followed by a year long engagement. So I knew him before we said I do. I knew him as a person, a friend first. Second we had some good marriage role models in the community and some horrible ones in our families. We talked about pitfalls and when we came to an impasse early in our marriage we sought counseling. After several months, we were back on track and better than before.

So all marriages have bumps in the road, but you have to remember the real reasons you married the person and sometimes seek professional help. I honestly don't think people think it through before planning the wedding (not the marriage) and also don't believe in putting in the work when things get tough. They also have expectations for their partner that are unrealistic od different than what the partner wants. That's problem. If they are unambitious before, a ring on a finger isn't going to change that.

Every day it's a struggle but we are making the decision to fight for our marriage and our future. I wish others would do the same before running to the attorneys as quickly as they ran down the aisle.

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Margaret · 765 weeks ago

People are so quick to just give up and walk away. It is so easy for people to just say I am done and leave. It is also more exceptable now then it was 30 years ago.
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Rhonda · 765 weeks ago

I think there is a HUGE disconnect between a marriage and a wedding. The sanctity of marriage is lost in THE EVENT. The amount of time and effort that is spent planning the wedding is in striking contrast to the time we spend working on our making our marriages a strong union.
I believe that if you go into a marriage with the option of divorce, you will be another statistic. Marriage takes effort and marriage is a commitment, but when we divorce is so readily available, people choose the option to get out rather than working through rough patches.
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Mrs. R · 765 weeks ago

I think if we took the white dress, cameras, and the main event out of marriage, a lot of ppl would not walk down the aisle. I think every couple should get counseling, if not by a counselor, than by a couple that has been married 40 plus years. It makes a difference! I think a lot of ppl look at divorce as an option and easy way out vs. working out the problems. There are times when you have to leave a marriage such as any type of abuse that is physical or mental. However, if you are having petty arguments or you don't feel attracted to the person anymore, that is no reason to bail. For better or worse.
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1 reply · active 765 weeks ago

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-CK · 765 weeks ago

My husband and I share a joint faith that we will be married for time and all eternity. When the sealer (marrying officiator of our church (I am Mormon)) married us at the temple, he said for "time and all eternity" instead "until death do you part" I have mentioned my faith on this topic before and I mention it again because my whole life revolves around the decision I made and continue to make in my daily choices that my husband and family come first. Assuming that we keep our covenants and commitments to each other in this life, we can continue to build our relationship and love throughout our adventures in the life to come. I believe that my children will always be a part of me and who I am after I die, as well. Anyway, I think that having an eternal perspective makes all the difference. God wants us to enjoy our relationships and the joy that we share with our spouses. But like, others referenced, healthy love and marriage takes sacrifice. My definition of sacrifice is giving up something you like or want for something better. Every day we must make sacrifices or give up things we want or like for something that is more special and sacred, a beautiful union sanctioned by God Himself. I have deep respect for older couples who make those sacrifices every day of their lives. Their love is beautiful.
I
PS has anyone else seen Fireproof? That movie addresses this topic so well.
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3 replies · active 765 weeks ago

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-CK · 765 weeks ago

wow, I always leave long comments here... sorry for being such a blabber mouth.
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2 replies · active 765 weeks ago

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Ms. Understood · 765 weeks ago

I find too often people go into marriage with the thought, well, I can always leave if I want to. That's a situation that's doomed to failed. Marriage has become a stop on the road instead of the destination. I believe there are situations that are simple not healthy to stay in, but divorce should never be the first response.
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1 reply · active 765 weeks ago

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Christina 47p · 765 weeks ago

I agree that people spend way too much time (and money, but that’s another topic, lol) planning and preparing for the wedding. I wonder what the divorce rate would look like if people put that same time and energy into preparing to be someone's spouse? At our church, there was a mandatory counseling period, 4 sessions, 2 hours each, with the pastor. These sessions weren't spent taking surveys, they were spent going over God's plan for marriage, and giving us realistic expectations of the responsibilities, sacrifices, and privileges of marriage.
Even if you're not religious, I think that pre-marital counseling is on of the best things you can do to invest in your marriage.

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Christina 47p · 765 weeks ago

Several of you said it before, that people go into marriage with the idea that "Oh, if it doesn't work out, I have an out." I don't think that divorce should even be considered unless it's a situation of abuse or infidelity (which, in the case of infidelity, deep down, I believe that you should at least ATTEMPT to work through, if it's a one time occurrence. I mean....whoever cheated, it didn't come out of nowhere. Something was out of wack in the marriage.).
I think that a lot of people don’t really discuss a lot of things that may end up being deal breakers soon enough. I know SO many that didn't know until after they were married that their spouse didn’t want kids, or couldn’t handle their finances, or was just plain lazy. If you ask the right questions, and spend time actually communicating with the person you are pledging to spend your life with, you can avoid this situation.
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chriswife 58p · 765 weeks ago

I think that the main problem these days is that we live in a society that expects a quick fix, and we don't want to work for anything. Marriage is WORK. Hard Work. DAILY. I think if more people realized that BEFORE they got married, more marriages would work. And get to know the person you are marrying! 6 weeks is not enough!!!

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Ms B.Plan · 765 weeks ago

Girls I really love this blog and I just awared you an award, please claim it from my blog.
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Erin · 765 weeks ago

Some excellent research has been done, and the divorce rate is not the same for everyone. The odds one person will get divorced is not the same as someone else's odds. 50% of marriages aren't randomly being struck down - it is not a crapshoot. If you both: have finished your education, are over 25, are not pregnant/have a kid, make a combined income over 75k, have lived outside of your families home, are religious, have not been divorced before - your odds of divorcing are lower. A lot lower. There are lots and lots of variables. The stats also look at how many marriages (not people) end in divorce. People who have had a divorce are more likely to have another divorce. So 2 out of 4 marriages may end in divorce - but the ppl involved in the divorces are the same people. People often fall in the category of either never been thru a divorce, or have had 2 or more divorces.

Here's a site with similar info: http://www.divorcereform.org/real.html
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casey · 765 weeks ago

oo, interesting post and interesting comments. I believe whole heartedly in God and I believe that he created marriage with the intention of blessing us with wonderful gift; a help mate, a friend, a lover etc. He meant marriage to be a good thing! We on the other hand are selfish, impatient, temperamental, grudge holding, expectation wielding, lust addicted folks that loose sight of the purity of love, of the 1 Corinthians 13 love that God intended us to have in a marriage. We blow it, we loose heart to easily, we give up, we fall short. Yes, divorce is to easy, yes, weddings are way overblown and probably set far too many women up for some sort of fantasy like they are the princess and their man will bow down to them forever...I'm obviously exaggerating here a tad for the sake of argument. My hubby and I have been together for 10 years, having a child has been the hardest adjustment in our marriage and I think couples simply fail to make time for each other, fail to make each other feel special anymore. Sigh. Marriage is very hard, but, a good marriage is soooooo worth it!
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demilove · 765 weeks ago

I understand that the statics differ if you look at a persons age when they get married. Divorce rates are lower for couples who marry over 30 than those under 30, that might be something to look at...

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A Busy Wife · 765 weeks ago

These statistics are very scary and coming from a family where everyone is married and has been for a long time I never realized how serious this was until I became an adult and started seeing friends, and their families and the number of divorces they've witnessed. I think pre-marriage couseling is important but so is post-wedding counseling. I'm sure it's similar to what people say motherhood is like...you never know until you're a mom. So while we were told all that we should expect prior to getting married I think it's great to have a forum with other married couples where you can discuss what is actually happening in the present, and also learning from other couples who are further along in their marriage what to expect in future stages.
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Amanda · 765 weeks ago

New blog follower from the Lucas Journey Hop. These interesting facts put much into perspective and are actually quite scary to be honest 1 in every 2! To think I'm soon to be married and hope we are 1 and not the 2 :) It would be so appreciative if you can check out and return a follow favor, I'm trying to get my start here as a terminal blogger this is my hope and purpose.

Amanda http://hollywoodglamorous.blogspot.com

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-CK · 764 weeks ago

It is an epidemic, isn't it? I feel like we need to prepare our kids for the time when the epidemic will try to infect their social life. I hope I can teach my children about commitment and sincerity and understanding at a very young age. Hopefully hopefully I can show them that at home between their parents.
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