Tell Me Something Good!: Is it possible . . . to just be friends?

Monday, August 9, 2010

Is it possible . . . to just be friends?

He's tall, dark and handsome and you've always
thought it was cute the way he has a crooked smile and a dimple in his left check . . . but you and he have always been just friends. You aren't interested in him "like that" and he's not interested in you. You both had relationships with other people, which eventually lead to your marriages. Does your friendship have to stop? Can you still talk on the phone? Text? Hang out? Do you think it's possible to just be friends.
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Jessica · 766 weeks ago

In most cases, no, i do not think that it is possible to just be friends. In some rare cases, however, and when the friendship is built through strictly platonic means, it may be possible.

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-Jessica

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Mayra · 766 weeks ago

I think it is possible as long as you have your priorities straight. ie husband, what marriage means to you.etc..

Maybe not go one on one but a group thing, sure. As for texting I don't see a problem as long as you're not flirting, giving off the wrong idea.
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Mrs. R · 766 weeks ago

I do not think your friendship has to stop, but I do think it has to change. I think it is only natural to pull back and spend more of your free time with your husband. I think it would be fine to go out together as a group. However, if your husband says he is not comfortable with the relationship (vice-versa) then it needs to end.
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Natalie · 766 weeks ago

I think it is possible, but maybe not the best idea. I have a friend that I went through college with that I still talk to all the time. However him and my husband have also become friends and do things together. And my friend's wife and I are friends. So we've made sure that our spouses are also included in our relationship.

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Danielle · 766 weeks ago

Yes, but it probably depends on you and your husband's relationship too. Your husband need to feel no threat to the friendship. Personally, I have a great guy friend from before my husband and I were married and now he is a huge part of our family too. Our kids love him as much as if he was family and are very excited when he comes over.

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Charity L. · 766 weeks ago

I think it is not the best idea because there is always that chance. Just too many possibilities of things going wrong. Unless he is also your husbands friend and that might change things somewhat. Hard question to answer :)

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Margaret · 766 weeks ago

I think it is possible to be friends but that could just be me.
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Jael Cusom Designs · 766 weeks ago

Well...

I've never had a real guy friend that didn't try to date me sooooooo... I honestly don't know! I do know that I have a bunch of guy friends due to my hubby and of course he's okay with it because I know them through him and they have a VERY strong bond (brotherhood) that he's in no way threatened by any of his friends.

Now, let's put the shoe on the other foot! My hubby has female friends that he's been friends with before we were married and they were cool but, things did have to change once we were married because some of these women were just TOO comfortable w/ my hubby! That being said...

They are still friends but, there's been quite a bit of distance than before! I TOTALLY agree with Natalie!

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LaTonya · 766 weeks ago

Being married for 20 years, I've realized a few things. One is, if you're both not friends with "the friend," who is of the opposite sex, the friendship should be over. If not, the marriage could very well be.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. The Little Rock CheeseburgHer was great! The host knew there were many more bloggers out there, she just didn't know about. But it looks like there will be many more blogger events. I've been thinking about hosting something for a long time.

You are very busy with several blogs. I would love to stay in touch. Are you going to Blogalicious? I have plans to go!
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preshusmedotcom 29p · 766 weeks ago

We've had situations in our relationship where hubby's female friend from back in the day came back into his life. I've made it clear in no uncertain terms that I think they are too close for comfort, expecially since she was using him for a shoulder to cry on about her own messed up life. Um, no sweetie, I don't think it's ok for you to go hang out with her. That said, he has assured me time and time again that it's all platonic, and he hangs out with her baby-daddy as much as he hangs out with her, and I've met her and she seems nice, but still...i don't like it. Thankfully this girl is full of drama that hubby seems to gotten tired of so as far as I know, they are no longer as buddy,buddy as they once were. But I'll always be suspisious of this girl. I can't help but think that she might think my man could replace her looser baby-daddy. Over my dead body!____So, in short, unless you are both friends with said friend of the opposite sex, then no. It just won't work.

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Carrie · 766 weeks ago

ha ha This is a debate and a half. :)
I say whatever your spouse is most comfortable with. You have to respect your spouse.

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Ms. BPlan · 766 weeks ago

I think it is possible to be friends.
Even if there is attraction - can be attraction between two like minded people - it does not mean you have to do something, if it is physical.
Also, your spouse have to be comfortable with this friendship and know that you will never do anything to harm your relationship. But I think is nice to know that you can count on the opposite sex when you are in need of a good advice.

It is not good to be friends if the first aim of the frienship is to finish in the arms of one and other. Bad idea!
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Ms. Understood · 766 weeks ago

I love the variety of answers!! I'm really late checking in today. I am that girl with a bunch of guy friends. At my very small "destination" wedding, four of my guy friends were there. I talk to them via phone, text and instant messenger regularly. My husband has met every single one of them. That said, I haven't made any new guy friends since meeting my husband. I think it's very important for the friendships to be GENUINE and not friendships that didn't evolve into relationships and the person is still sticking around and seeing what may happen. I've been blessed with a great circle of friends, male and female.
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Mich · 766 weeks ago

New follower from Making Friends Blogger Style! I like your blog...I also like the current topic. The short answer is No, I don't think so. The long answer is yes, maybe, but I think it can be very very difficult, especially if the friend isn't quite so clear about where the line is. I speak from experience..but that is all I am am willing or able to share. Suffice it to say...there was a choice to be made...friendship or marriage....and I am still *happily* married. mj
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Kimberly · 765 weeks ago

I would love to say yes but it usually doesn't work out that way. Jealousy will show it's ugly head at some point...I don't care how confident and secure you are. But I think there are some exceptions...like how long you have been friends, were you friends before husband/wife? Well, that's my two sense anyway. Love your blog! So glad I stopped by. Found you on SITS!
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Christina 47p · 765 weeks ago

I think that the relationship would definitely need to change. Definitely no hanging out alone. I dont think its about trusting your spouse. It's about whether or not you trust the friend, lol. Luckily, (haha) neither I nor my husband brought opposite sex friends into the relationship, so I havent had to deal with this myself. Honestly though, no matter how "platonic" the relationship may seem, it's just not something I would be comfortable with. I would probably annoy the crap out of her so much that she wouldnt even bother, lol.

In any case though, I think that as long as both people in the relationship are comfortable with it, there's nothing wrong with it. Just not for me.

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@dianne_momstuff · 765 weeks ago

Love this post. It has been fun to read all of the comments. Following you from MBC

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